“Love
your neighbor as you love yourself”- Mt. 22:39
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
- Rumi, thirteenth century Sufi poet
An inspiring day!
How are you friend?
I give you peace.
Last time, I shared with you self-fullness: an energy that allows you to love your “self” well. We also said that it is a
virtue that comes from God which helps us to become more of a God-focus person.
Now, maybe you’re asking: Why is self-fullness important for being a pasahero?
Ok, let me answer you with a very simple yet clear and obvious truth:
“You cannot give what you do not have!”
Meaning, you cannot be truly generous (pasahero) to others without being truly generous (pasahero) to yourself! You cannot give an apple if you don’t have an apple, right?
So, it’s the same with loving others. If you cannot give an unconditional love for yourself, how can you give an unconditional love for others? If you do not love yourself well, how can you love others well?
The 2nd Greatest Commandment
This is actually the truth
that Jesus revealed to the man who asked him about the greatest commandment,
Jesus answered:
“…Love your
neighbor as you love yourself” Mt. 22:39
Yes, Jesus really knows best!
He could simply answer “Ok,
the second is this: Love your neighbor and yourself, period. But Jesus
understands it well that:
….man can only love others as much as he loves himself,
…man can only give according to what he has,
…loving others cannot be separated from loving oneself.
I never understand this before. So I thought that for me to love others better, I need to forget myself as much as possible. That the more I deprive myself, the more I become holy. That I love others because I’m a loving person. Yes, there were actually times that I starved myself to death just to treat my friends lavishly (para mukhang galante1). That I insist paying others fare (yabang ko2) although I know that this will mean barrowing money from a friend later in the afternoon as I set for home (yun lang3).
Now, I'm still doing these gestures of kindness but NOT anymore in the expense of kindness that I need to give to myself. I now realized that before I become generous to others, I need to be generous to myself first. That totally forgetting myself is not generosity, it’s a sin!
Self-Fullness vs. Selfishness
Bro Chad, are you telling me
to love myself first? Are you teaching me to be selfish?
Yes, I’m telling you to love
yourself first but I’m NOT telling you to be selfish. What I’m telling you is
to be Self-full!
Let me be clear.
Self-fullness is heavenly while Selfishness is worldly.
Self-fullness is a virtue
while Selfishness is a vice.
Self-fullness is Godliness while
Selfishness is Satanic.
But I warn you my friend: Selfishness has the capacity to camouflage self-fullness. That sometimes, you may think you’re doing one thing but actually doing the other. And so, “discernment” is a must for you to escape unnecessary guilt, self-adoration and even carrying toxic burdens in your life that you do not deserve to carry. (I tell you a story about this later)
Now, let me give you one way on how to discern between self-fullness and selfishness. I call this technique “Fruit Picking” that was actually taught by Christ.
“You will know them by their fruit. Grapes aren't
gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles, are they?” Mt. 7:16
This is what I believe: if you live with fake “selflessness” (or you’re not being self-full) you do more harm to yourself (and to others) than doing good.
Because when you think yourself less; you tend not to achieve, not to pursue excellence, not to think decisively, not to act passionately, and not to live deliberately. You settle for less, you settle for mediocrity, and you settle for what is enough. You mislead than lead people, you expire than inspire people, and you observe than serve people. You stop creating, you stop taking care of yourself, you stop doing your hobbies, and you stop enjoying yourself. You begin to over work, you begin to accept all things, you begin to stress yourself and… you begin not to breath. (I need to mention that last entry just to cut short my list of 101 Curses of Toxic Selflessness to People. Yes, I have more than a hundred on my list.)
But if you’re really self-full, meaning: you approve yourself well the same way God has approved you (2 Cor. 10: 18), then you (and others) will reap all the great blessings of self-fullness.
Look at these.
When you’re self-full (expect 1001 entries now) you’re inspired to achieve, you’re inspired to pursue excellence, you’re inspired to think decisively, you’re inspired to act passionately, and you’re inspired to live deliberately. You’re inspired for more, you’re inspired to win big, and you’re inspired to receive (and give) more than enough. You’re inspired to lead people, you’re inspired to inspire people, and you’re inspired to serve people. You’re inspired to develop your hobbies, you’re inspired to enjoy yourself, you’re inspired to take vacations, you’re inspired to prioritize things, you’re inspired to be calm, and… you inspired to live!
Okay, it’s obvious that I’m
just “waxing the cracks” here (changing negative into positive) but more than
that, what I would like you to discover is that: all the 1001 Blessings of Self-fullness To People has the word “inspired” in
it. And being inspired means: you’re not
doing it alone, YOU and GOD doing it together. (by the way, it’s not
typographical error, it’s really 1001 blessings compared to 101 curses because
when you’re with God- you can do more, you’re mistake CAN be overshadowed by
His goodness)
The Kuya Tacio’s Story
Let me end with a true story.
Kuya Tacio (not his real name) is single, in his early 50’s, and working as a street sweeper. He earns P 13,000 a month plus some mandated benefits. Before, I thought this is not bad for him as a street sweeper but not until one time he confined to me that he’s in a big problem.
What I know about Kuya Tacio is that he’s living with his 19 year old girlfriend Tacia (not her real name) and their 1 year old son (so, he's not really single at all). He also told me that his girlfriend is a daughter of a friend who asked him years ago to look after Tacia when she was still young. And in unexplainable magic, they fall in-love with each other and soon to get married.
Now, in our last conversation; I learned that aside from living with Tacia and their son, he’s living with three other kids. ‘Know what? They are younger brothers of Ticia. He told me sadly that he’s now “taking care” again of the children of the same friend who asked him years ago (while his friend is now living with another woman). And not only that, Kuya Tacio is also in-charge to support the schooling of one of his sister’s daughter. And because his niece is studying in another province, he needs to go there to give her allowance monthly to the point that he needs to be absent from work. And the sad reality is that- because he’s the only one earning now, he do not know how to be able to provide all their daily needs. (added the fact that Kuya Tacio has a medical maintenance)
In some way, after knowing Kuya Tacio’s situation; I was overwhelmed by his sacrifices and generosity. But on the other side, I cannot help but to tell him NOT to carry all the burdens on his shoulders particularly supporting his wife’s brothers and his sister’s daughter when he knows that they (his friend and sister) are not acting responsible to their own children. Added the fact that he only earns 13,000 a month, how could he really manage to attend to his needs and the needs of his wife and child, and the needs of three other children? Even Kuya Tacio told me, “Nasanay na silang umasa sa akin; kaya wala na akong magagawa, nakakahiya rin kasi kay misis4” “Ang hirap talaga ngayon5!” he added.
The Lesson
That’s my point, if only
Kuya Tacio understands self-fullness before, I think he will never find himself
in this situation. That, if he only
practiced true generosity (and not accepting all the responsibility), his
friend and sister could probably learned to provide and be responsible to their
own children. And as for Kuya Tacio; I believe that he's now enjoying
his simple, worry-less and fulfilled life.
I think I already exhausted everything I know about this inspiration “Allowing Yourself to Love You” and how self-fullness CAN help us to live a generous life.
If there’s something more that should be revealed, I know that you will discover it personally with your God. (please do post it in the comment box whatever it is. For sure we will also learn from you)
I also invite you to pray (and reflect) further so that you can be able to find and remove the things that hinders you to Allow Yourself to Love You- following what Rumi (a Sufi poet) advised, “Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
Remember:
Love yourself well…
Love others well…
God loves you well!
Today, live a generous life!
footnotes
1 for me to appear generous
2 how pretentious I was
3pity on me
4 they are already used that I help them; I can no
longer change it and I also consider my wife
5 I’m really in crisis
